Say not even “Fie” to Parents

By: Dr. Ahmad H. Sakr
IslamiCity* –

INTRODUCTION

In America there are many special days set aside to honor and appreciate special people. Some of these are: Father’s Day, Mother’s Day, Grandfather’s Day, Grandmother’s Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, etc. We do realize the significance of these occasions and we recognize the ideas, ideals, and philosophies of such days. We appreciate the efforts of those who initiated these occasions for the recognition and appreciation of special people.

As for the appreciation of parents, we admire the efforts of children who remember their parents on such occasions by sending them greeting cards and gifts. However, we hope that the appreciation is not for one single day in a year, but for every day throughout the year. 

PARENTS IN QURAN

A child should respect and appreciate his or her parents every day throughout the year. Allah has asked human beings to recognize their parents after recognition of Allah Himself. Throughout the Quran, we notice that parents are mentioned with appreciation and with respect, even if they are senile. In Surah Al-Isra’ (Children of Israel) there is a very beautiful description of how parents are to be treated. Allah says:

“Your Lord had decreed, that you worship none save Him, and (that you show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with you, say not “Fie” unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word. And lower unto them the wing of submission through mercy, and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both, as they did care for me when I was young.”   [Quran 17:23-24]

The recognition and respect of parents is mentioned in the Quran eleven times; in every instance, Allah reminds children to recognize and to appreciate the care and love they have received from their parents. In the following verse, Allah demands that children recognize their parents:

“We have enjoined on humankind kindness to parents.”  [Quran 29:8 and 46:15]

1.   The demand for recognizing parents is made more emphaticly when Allah says in the Quran:

“And (remember) when We made a covenant with the children of Israel, (saying): worship none save Allah (only), and be good to parents…” [Quran 2:83]

2.   In Surah Al-Nisaa’ (The Women) Allah emphasizes again that children should be kind to their parents.

“And serve Allah. Ascribe nothing as partner unto Him. (Show) Kindness unto parents… “ [Quran 4:36]

3.   The same directive is repeated again In Surah Al An’Am (The Cattle), where Allah says:

“Say: Come, I will recite unto you that which your Lord has made a sacred duty for you; that you ascribe nothing as partner unto Him and that you do good to parents…” [Quran 6:151] 

MOTHERS

Although Islam has clear directives to honor and respect both parents, mothers are given particular gratitude and respect. This attitude of Islam is understood if we realize the hardships and the suffering that mothers experience in their lives. In this regard, Prophet Muhammad said:

It was narrated by Abu Hurairah (R) that a man came to the Prophet and asked him, ‘Who is to be close to my friendship?’ The Prophet answered:

Your mother, your mother, your mother, then your father, then the one closest to your kinship, and the one after.

Islam has endorsed respect for parents by their children even if the parents are non-Muslims. Only if parents coerce their children against Islam, then the children have the right not to obey their parents, but they are still to be good to them. In this regard, Allah says in Surah Luqman:

“And We have enjoined upon man concerning his parents–his mother beareth him in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years–Give thanks unto Me and unto your parents. Unto Me is the journeying. But if they strive with you to make you ascribe unto Me as partner that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Consort with them in the world kindly, and follow the part of him who repents unto Me. Then unto Me will you return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.–“ [Quran 31:14-15] 

MORE RESPECT

Islam teaches us that respect for parents comes immediately after praying to Allah and before Jihad (struggle and striving in the way of Allah). In this respect, the Prophet said the following:

Narrated by Abi Abder Rahman Abdullah bin Massoud (May Allah be pleased with him) saying: I asked the Prophet , “which deed is more liked by Allah?” He replied, “Prayers on time.” Then I asked, “Which one is next?” He said, “Goodness to parents.” Then I asked, “Then which one is next?” He said, “Jihad in the way of Allah.” (Agreed)

In Islam, respect for parents is so great that the child and his wealth are considered to be the property of the parents. In this regard, the Prophet said:

Narrated by Aisha that a person came to the Prophet to resolve his dispute with his father regarding a loan given to the father. The Prophet said to the person, “You and your wealth are to your father.”

FINAL REMARKS

We hope and we pray that all of us will respect our parents while they are alive and even after they pass-away. You may honor your parents after they die through the following methods:

1. Make daily Du’a (prayer) for them
2. Give a charity on their behalf
3. Institute a perpetual charity on their behalf – such as a Masjid, an Islamic Center, an Islamic Library, an Islamic hospital, an orphanage, a senior citizen’s home, etc.
4. Perform Hajj on their behalf or ask someone to do so.
5. Read Quran on their behalf
6. Distribute Islamic Literature on their behalf

Let us pray to Allah that we will do our best to respect our parents, to honor them, to be kind to them, to help them, and to please them for the love of Allah.

O Allah! Accept our humble prayers and make us obedient servants to you.

O Allah! Help us to be respectful children to our parents. Ameen.

In Search of the Prophet

1

I found my source of adoration for you in the love and respect that the Almighty has proclaimed for you; in the honor that He bestowed upon you; in His confirmation of you as “the ultimate exemplar”; “seal of Prophets” and “mercy unto all existence”. O Prophet of Allah, where shall I find the source of my adoration for you? I have memorized hundreds of your sayings since my youth, taught your seerah (example) to numerous students, grown a beard, used the miswaaq, sang and proudly taught others odes (qasidahs) in praise of you. But I did not find you in these rituals nor did any of these make me any more like you; rather they merely flung me into the fray of insignificant debates in the arena of so many of the sunnahless Muslims who see your sunnah only as an endless array of harsh laws and practices or as some justification for their cultural tendencies. O Allah, save me from being of those who consider the sunnah of Thy beloved as being expressed only through aimless imitations and who know Thy Prophet only as a conveyor of commands and warnings. O Prophet of Allah, I did not truly find you in the books of fatawa (religious edicts), nor in grand seminars and conferences throughout the world, and certainly not in the harsh arguments between groups proclaiming mutually exclusive rights over you. I found my source of adoration for you in the love and respect that the Almighty has proclaimed for you; in the honor that He bestowed upon you; in His confirmation of you as “the ultimate exemplar”; “seal of Prophets” and “mercy unto all existence”. Allah has elevated the very memory of you and has made His boundless love accessible through obedience to you. I catch but a dimension of you through the instances of compassion you extended to others; how you played with the poor orphaned boy when other children refused to play with him, how you prolonged your prostration out of consideration that your change in posture may inconvenience or hurt your beloved grandson who had climbed on your back; how you commanded your army away from the anthill in order not to disrupt the ants’ activities; how you blessed with Paradise the sinful woman for saving the life of a cat by making the water of the well accessible with her shoes; how you intervened and prevented a man from abusing his wife by teaching him that “the best of men are those who treat their wives the best”; how you patched your clothes, mended your shoes and did your daily household chores; how you wrestled with your nephew and raced with your wife; how you joked with the kids and carried the baggage of the elderly; how you hosted the Christians of Najran in your mosque and stood up to honor the bier of a Jew.  O Prophet of Allah, why is it that so many of us who claim to be of you refuse to be like you. We sing for you and dress like you, but do not come near fulfilling the expression of love, care and beauty that generated from yourself. Why is it that we see in you that which suits our cultural, organizational and chauvinistic interests, yet ignore the essence of what is essential to your being. Others who are not of you proclaim the multi-dimensional and multi-faceted nature of your personality. “The personality of Muhammad is most difficult to get the whole truth of it. Only a glimpse of him I can catch. What dramatic succession of picturesque scenes? There is Muhammad the Prophet; there is Muhammad the General; Muhammad the King; Muhammad the Warrior; Muhammad the Businessman; Muhammad the Preacher; Muhammad the Philosopher; Muhammad the Statesman; Muhammad the Orator; Muhammad the Reformer; Muhammad the Refuge of Orphans; Muhammad the Protector of Slaves; Muhammad the Emancipator of Women; Muhammad the Judge; Muhammad the Saint.. In all these magnificent roles and in all these departments of human activities he is equally a hero.” (Professor Ramakrishna Rao). O Prophet! Your life-example is an integrated biography, history and law; it is above all a model of excellence.  O Prophet of Allah, you have certainly been adored by many much more worthy than I. Yet, neither the inability to capture my appreciation of you with the eloquence of poets nor my weakness as a believer debars me from qualifying as one who adores you; for in the commemoration of your being do I find the dignity and honor of my existence. Imam Sadullah Khan is Professor of Islamic Studies at California State University in Dominguez Hills.